Cat-homes

[primsong]

Some difficult decisions are harder to make than others - For some time now we've had to support a friend who has some kind of chronic fatigue and depression thing going and ran out of savings yet hasn't been able to get a diagnoses for disability - very stressful financially and emotionally, and has pretty much ruined the enjoyment we once had as friends. I am hopeful we can restore it someday, but right now our relationship is pretty much just meeting her physical needs and paying her bills. She has no family except an uncle, who is thankfully helping a bit with her medical bills.

We've decided to try shopping for a cheap condo in our area, to move her into so we don't have to keep dropping so much of our money down the black hole of her apt. rent - at least that way, we can sell it at some point down the road and get the money back, though she won't be able to pay us any rent. Sigh...

Rotten thing is the condos we've looked at so far are all "no pets" - and she has two cats that are her only 'family.' They are destructive cats, too - cooped up in a tiny apartment, they spray, dig up the carpets and piddle in the corners...but she loves them and dotes on them. Cat people can understand. Other rotten thing is even if we can manage to get some kind of govt. assistance for her, none of it pays a dime towards the cost of pets. After having to pay some very expensive vet bills for them this past year (what could I do, let her cat die?) I just can't let it continue... And if we invest in a condo for her, I can't have it destroyed by the pets, even if they are allowed.

And yet.

What do I do? I am faced with having to take away her 'babies.' And where in the world would I find anyone willing to adopt a matched set of huge, marmalade toms that really could use access to the outdoors? I feel so cruel and heartless, if I have to make her give them up in order to keep a roof over her head. And yet.

Gah.
/grumble.

Comments

[voontah.livejournal.com]

That's a really difficult place to be in. You've been very kind to help her out like you have. I wish I had some kind of useful suggestion.

For what it's worth, Animal Aid helps with low-income animal care. Dr. Davis in Beaverton used to do a lot of work for them when I lived in town (I can't remember his clinic name, but it was off of Canyon).

[voontah.livejournal.com]

Also there are some no-kill shelters that take animals in. Not a perfect solution, but it might make your friend feel better to know they won't be put to sleep.

[gondoriangirl.livejournal.com]

wow. I am a cat owner. I couldn't imagine someone taking away my cat, HOWEVER, I take VERY good care of Buddy. He is my loved one. He is fixed (no spraying), he is active with toys (no chewing), he has his front claws off (yes a controversial issue...but no tearing -- he is 13 and no sign of arthritis at all). To me, and this sounds harsh...I honestly don't think she loves her cats as much as she puts on.

Sorry to sound mean, but I'm tired of people who claim to love their pets, yet don't respect their pets.

Amy, I'm very sorry your friend has put this issue on you. It shouldn't be something with which you have to struggle. I think Vootah has a wonderful idea of the no-kill shelter.

[maidoforange.livejournal.com]

Wow, ((((Prim)))). You are amazing to have done so much for her, when she is not even blood-kin and you have your own considerable family to care for. I am a cat person. I know that even fixed toms sometimes spray. You probably should talk to her about a no-kill shelter, as Voontah says.

[gondoriangirl.livejournal.com]

Really? They still can spray? Hmmm, I didn't know that! I guess I'm really lucky that Buddy doesn't do any of that.

[primsong.livejournal.com]

You're right - they're both fixed, and they still sometimes do that. And the piddling was helped somewhat when when we took care of a urinary infection on one and got them seperate litter-boxes. Back when she got them she had the energy to care for them properly, but now she has a hard time even standing in her kitchen long enough to cook for herself. :-( I've heard of Animal Aid - I'll be checking in with them tomorrow - I would hate to see them put down just because they didn't have a home.

[syrcleoftrees.livejournal.com]

There is a place for cats in Texas.It is for those orphaned by the deaths of their owners.Maybe a little donation a year and they can take the cats.I cannot imagine my,Angel-kitty going to live any where without me.I have her in my will,,,

[adaras-r0se.livejournal.com]

Oh Prim, it sounds like you're in such ai difficult position. It also sounds like you've been an amazing friend to her. I do hope you are able to find a solution that means you can help her without any more stress for yourself than you've already been through.

[elessar852.livejournal.com]

You're great for being so kind to her for so long. ((Prim)) I don't envy your position. :-/

[estellye.livejournal.com]

I went through a very similar thing last year. We had a friend who lost everything for various health reasons. She had nowhere to go, and we asked her to move into our not-particularly-large apartment while she got back on her feet. Almost two years later she was still here, had a job, but was not yet paying rent. She is not a mooch, but she did start taking us a bit for granted. We started to feel like she could never really get well if we were enabling her. Obviously I can't judge if your friend has begun to take your assistance for granted, but I can see you are experiencing a similar financial and emotional strain to ours. The decisions were very difficult.

During the imediate crisis management, it makes sense to take on the additional financial burden for a person you care about who has noone else to help them, but over the long haul there is only so much you can do and still take proper care of yourself and your own family. I would like to have been able to provide my friend all her needs, but I really couldn't! You can only do what you can do. If you have to ask her to give up her animals, that will be a hard blow for her, but she has to take some responsibility for herself, too. If you were not in a financial position to take care of a family of pets, then you would make the hard choice of finding homes for them where they could be taken care of properly, wouldn't you?

Anyway, we did our best and our friend is still our friend and is doing much better. I will keep my thoughts positive that you will have a similar outcome.

[primsong.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the encouragement - this is someone who did live with us for a time, when my children were infants and exchanged 'nanny' services for her room and board until she had finally landed a job that allowed her to get her own place - I've had to be pretty firm with her in all this, and it hasn't been fun. The good news is we've now got her working on the paperwork for assistance (hoorah for foodstamps!) and I'm putting together an ad for her set of cats to post at our school for a starting point. If we get no response from local ads, the no-kill shelters are up next. If it's this hard with a friend, I can't imagine how it must be for those who have to do things like this for aging parents or unfortunate siblings. :-(