Valentine Triolets for Tolkien

[primsong]

Been a long time since we've done these - I'm inviting anyone else who would like to compose a triolet for any of the couples of Middle-earth to do so, hoping to have a page of them before we're done. I've put up a thread at the Red Book that explains the form, or you can post them here.

I've done Sam & Rosie and Tom & Goldberry so far - they're relatively easy to do once you get used to the structure. C'mon, try it! ABaaabAB. Nice and short, a perfect love note size.

For Sam and Rosie

(A)This memory I shall hold dear,
(B)My Rosie, ribbons in her hair -
(a)For even through the pain and fear,
(a)Beyond all stars, the sting of tears
(a)Her laugh alone I'd sometimes hear...
(b)I saw her at the party fair.
(A)This memory I shall hold dear,
(B)My Rosie, ribbons in her hair.


For Tom and Goldberry

I sing the ages passing by,
The River-daughter's song returns
To answer mine, and lilies lie
Along her hair, with gold entwined,
We've loved with waters swirling by.
As long as moon and sunlight burns,
I sing, the ages passing by,
The River-daughter's song returns.

Comments

First Love

[siradaono.livejournal.com]

this is my first attempt at this Triolet thang, be kind, and helpful, please.

Of Celeborn and Galadriel

At Thingol's court, in Doriath,
My love for Galadriel did bloom.
We grew in grace together,
Over Eriador and Lorien we ruled.
Her brillance exceeds Nenya,
The starry night, and the moon.
At Thingol's court, in Doriath;
My love for Galadriel did bloom

by; siradaono

Re: First Love

[primsong.livejournal.com]

Good first round - all you need to do is hook in the rhyming pattern. Lines 3, 4 and 5 need to rhyme with "Doriath" - you got the rhyme between lines 6 & 8 (moon-bloom) well enough. :-) If it were me, I'd rephrase the first line to have something easier to rhyme than "Doriath"

Also, eight beats to a line, with marching iambs - one-TWO, one-TWO... some lines will need to be reworked and trimmed a touch there.

Great start with good imagery - keep going for draft two!

Re: First Love

[primsong.livejournal.com]

Example - here's another, and this one has a 'hard to properly rhyme' word for it's first line ("again") -

For Elrond and Celebrian

My love I'll see, one day again,
To tell her that I love her still;
I heard her sing the sea's refrain,
Across the Sund'ring Sea it came -
Her eyes shine in our sons, a-twain
And with her grace our daughter's filled.
My love I'll see, one day again,
To tell her that I love her still.

Do you see the beats? To tell her that I love her still... I hope it's helpful?

Re: First Love

[siradaono.livejournal.com]

ok, dear prim, please await my redo, just learning, yet thanks for the help.
sincerely,
clueless
;-{>

Re: First Love

[primsong.livejournal.com]

Learning is good - when you stop learning, you die. ;-)

Re: First Love

[siradaono.livejournal.com]

Ok, the link you posted at the Red Book, says that the First line is to be repeated after the third line, and then the fifth line rhymes with the First line and the sixth line rhymes with the Second line and then repeat the First and Second lines to finish.... so, I changed mine and posted them at Red Book and LJ as such.

they were fun and challenging to do, thanks Prim