Mmmph

[primsong]

I really, really hate laws that keep people from saying plainly what is happening.

The parents and staff of our school are in turmoil because the ones who had to remove our principal *can't* say why they did so without opening themselves up to a potential lawsuit due to confidentiality of personnel issues. Normally I would say confidentiality is a good thing, but what a wreck it is causing now.

It now appears that for lack of 'the information that cannot be said' they are assuming our trustees were acting out of malice (why??) and just got rid of this well-loved person for no reason. In their eyes, this charismatic leader could do no wrong. I had a parent go almost apoplectic on me yesterday, literally yelling at me and waving her arms about it until someone else intervened, making her run out the door still hollering angrily. All I did was not agree that there was deceit and told her they had good reasons... and there I had to stop as those reasons cannot be stated. Arrrrgh!

The one person who could end this mess by just standing up and 'fessin up about it all just watches it go by. Never says a word at any of the meetings, just accepts all the "you poor thing" attention as if she were a martyr. I've admired her for years, but right now my respect for her is gone, though I also pity her if she is this far gone with pride, to the point that she would allow all she helped work for for a dozen years be attacked in the name of defending/avenging her.

In the meantime it is trickling down to the children in the school, and my kids are being verbally attacked for refusing to agree that the church board is "bad and mean" for taking that step. My friend's kids whose dad is on the trustees board have had kids tell them "Sorry, but we're not allowed to be your friend any more." How childish can parents be? Worse than their children!


I know this will pass, that the school will survive. I think this is a good thing in the end, for by it we are rid of a mess and are the better for it, but it sure hurts getting that old rotten tooth pulled.

How have you dealt with confidentiality gagging?

Comments

[stefestella.livejournal.com]

I, who am normally very patient and slow to anger, get riled quickly if I am either not allowed to express my opinion or intentionally kept out of the "in-the-know" crowd. I am mature enough not to flail or raise my voice, but I continue to try to make my voice heard. So, on the receiving end, I understand the frustration.

As for being the one keeping the confidential information, I try to be as diplomatic as possible. If the recipient tries to get hostile, I usually just try to ignore it and move on. It is really hard not to take the insults personally, especially if there is a more personal relationship with the person. I hate being hated, so usually I need to vent the frustration; I find the people I can trust who are not associated with the matter, and I try to talk it out until I feel an ease in that frustration.

[my-cocoon.livejournal.com]

Being a Priest
I understand that too well.
It often hurts and the only resolution is to leave it all in God's care and walk on.

Thinking of you and yours, daily.

Ada

[estellye.livejournal.com]

Although I understand why such agreements are made, I feel that if everyone would simply take personal responsibility for their own actions, there wouldn't be a need for it. I know I am fairly idealistic and perhaps hold a more optimistic view of how society functions than is sometimes good for me, but I have to believe we are at least moving in the right general direction. Things like this are opportunities to learn and to modify our behavior for the better.

But if our public behavior as it seems, relies on legal agreements based on fear of litigation rather than common sense and personal ethics, how can we modify anything? Sometimes holding to our personal ethics takes a supreme act of courage because it opens us up to legal and social retribution. But when your personal ethics tends to include a healthy respect for the law and the law conflicts with what fosters the most unity and understanding in a situation, what then?

Even many people I know and respect leap imediately to the solution "Sue them!" whenever there is a problem. "Them" being of course whatever faceless entity is in question. They forget that even though "Them" is an entity it is made up of a whole bunch of "me and you's." If you win a million dollar lawsuit with a pharmeceutical company who didn't mention their medicine could cause dry mouth, that is a million dollars of important research that just fell squarly in the laps of non-profits and the government; it's a million dollars worth of prescription cost increases that will make a million less people able to afford their medication; it's a million dollars in insurance cost increases to protect big business from the next lawsuit; it's a million minutes of time the courts could be spending on cases that have more social benefit.

And it perpetuates a Litigius societal norm in which the only voice of reason is often forcibly silenced.

If one person could stand up and take personal responsibility and save a school full of children from having to watch their teachers and parents devolve before their very eyes it seems like an obvious choice to me. But I know I am just as self-deluded as the next person. Sometimes it is easier to be dishonest with myself than to say, "hey, I screwed up. I apologize." Hopefully the clarity will come with some time and perspective and the honesty will follow.

I apologize for the novel, Prim! I just found out that I feel rather strongly about this situation.

[the-tinidril.livejournal.com]

How sad that it should come to this.

If she is also a member of your church, there is always the Matthew 18:15-18 approach. It appears that the first two steps have already been taken (someone discovered her sin, confronted her, failed to see any repentance, brought it to the board, they confronted her and failed to see any repentance which resulted in the loss of her position in the school). Without specifying the details, the next step would be to bring the matter before the church, asking her to humble herself or be excluded, not only from the school, but also from the church. Everyone in the church can then be informed that this is a matter of personal sin, not political machinations. No details as to what the sin actually is need be broadcast publicly, unless the woman in question chooses to confess and repent publicly. The purpose of doing this is not to embarass or humiliate, but to discipline.

Of course, following the teaching of Jesus on this matter doesn't guarantee that the people you deal with won't still act the same way... but at least those in the position to act will be able to stand upright before the Master.

I am so sorry that you are going through this

[faramirgirl.livejournal.com]

I also believe in confidentiality, but when a person has done something to break a rule that has effect many lives then I think that confidentiality does not apply. I believe that the reasons that had gotten them into trouble and had them lose their job should be open and people have that right to know what this person had done something so wrong to gotten her fired when this person had broken a promise to their job right. Except of course is it was in a court setting and the judge has gagged you from talking. I mean even someone who has broken the law and goes to court, the public can go to the court house and read about this person, you can find on the internet anything you want about any inmantes (with the exception on juveniles). So I am not understanding why a parent don't have the right to know their why beloved principal had gotten fired. In my internship I had to sign a paper for confidentiality which applies to juveniles (which is nothing at all) and any talk between said person and one on the lawyers, but the reasons they went to court is open and can be read about just by asking to read the files in the court house. I just can not talk about what the person had said to the lawyers or anything that is in the lawyers file on the person, court is open and anyone can come and sit there and listen to the cases (with the exception of juveniles). But as a parent I would want to know why any one from the school personal had gotten fired, because I feel that I have that right to know since I had send my children to that school.

(((((prim))))) I am so sorry that you were put in this sititution of being gagged and that it has affect your children and the children of the other members as well. It seems that the children are the ones that are really suffering from this. And I think that it is really sad that this person will not explain herself to the parnets and have the parents and other children stop being mean to your children as well as the other children. As adults we can handle it, but children should never be put in this sititution to handle the affairs of adults. Just reading about this person acting like she was done wrong leaves me with no respect for her.
(Reply to this)

[iorhael94.livejournal.com]

My friend's kids whose dad is on the trustees board have had kids tell them "Sorry, but we're not allowed to be your friend any more." How childish can parents be? Worse than their children!

That is just too sad...I look back on my years as a teen when my Mom told me it was best not to be friends with certain kids for various reasons, and see how foolish it all was...(I was a bit of a rebellious kid though and stayed friends with them secretly anyway ;o!...I needed all the friends I could get cause I was not popular growing up.)...Its so sad when parents do that...and very damaging....

And I'm so sorry you are gettin yelled at as well...:(:( As for the person that won't speak up...I have seen that before and it makes me very angry....as you say...all respect for that person goes out the window.