Friendship and caretaking...

[primsong]

I'm off this morning to do something difficult - In a nutshell, I have a longtime friend who developed something like chronic fatigue about three years ago. She'd never been strong, and a round of mono seems to have knocked her system down. She lost her job and subsisted on her savings until they were gone... she has no family but one uncle and very few friends and now we've ended up gradually supporting her in order to keep her under a roof and with food. But there reached a point that I realized our friendship was dead - I had become her caretaker, her keeper...our relationship was stressed until I wanted nothing to do with her as it became a greater and greater monetary strain and her needs became all that we ever talked about, again and again.

I cried out to the Lord, what was I to do? I couldn't just let her starve, but I couldn't take her into my own home either. I felt I was being taken advantage of on one hand while feeling that she had no other resources on the other. He told me all He asked of me was that I be her "friend." Not her caretaker, not her mother, not her keeper, nanny or nurse. Just her friend.

I told her we wouldn't be supporting her like this anymore, that it was killing our friendship and I only wanted to be a good friend. I got her started with a community foodbank for monthly groceries, with a bus program that gives transport to the poor and handicapped. I gave her boxes and tape to pack her belongings. We don't know where she's going, but we can't keep paying for her 2-bdroom apartment. She's packing. And today is one of the hardest things... today I go to take her two cats to a no-kill shelter.

They are the only "family" she has with her. She dotes on them. But she hasn't the energy to care for them and I can't pay her vet and food bills and also clean up her apartment after them. Not anymore. She is mourning, but resigned. It is bitter medicine, but I think it is good. It feels right, in spite of the pain of it. And no, I am *not* going to allow her to cast me as the Bad Guy either - I'm preparing to talk with her today about it, so she understands up front we are not being mean in "taking her cats away" - we have actually given and given until our hearts broke because we love her, as a person. And we will once again be friends soon, I hope.

Aiya... I could sure use a dose of cheerfulness today.

If you see this post, post me a cheerful note, a joke or a bright thought please. Thanks...

Comments

[lady-0f-lorien.livejournal.com]

i have just spent two hours driving around and around the exact same roundabout, up to the next round about, right round, and back to the first roundabout!!

i now understand what hell really is!

i know that doesnt help you, but hey, at leaqst two hours of your life werent just utterly wasted like mine !


Sarah xx

[primsong.livejournal.com]

It made me laugh, which isn't a waste at all :-D Though it would have been nice if it hadn't had to take so much of your time. It sounds like a scene from a comedic movie, hee!

[kimbys-place.livejournal.com]

(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))0

q. Why is a ladybug so bad at hide and seek?

a. Because she's always spotted.


((((((((((((((((((((more hugs, for you and for friend))))))))))))))))))))

[primsong.livejournal.com]

I think my daughter told me this one once. ((((((((Kimby)))))))))

A note from friends nephew...

[lady-0f-lorien.livejournal.com]

Q. What happened when a red ship collided with a blue ship?

A. The crew were marooned!!


Haha, sorry :)

Re: A note from friends nephew...

[primsong.livejournal.com]

:-D

I passed this to my son and he rolled his eyes and grinned at the same time. Thank you... ((((LoL))))

[my-cocoon.livejournal.com]

I have been down this road and even taken many people in as boarders until they got back on thier feet. I know exactly how you feel and even with the cats (or dogs) we have been down that road and are even now helping a lady who could but does not take care of herself get Govt assisted housing and moving her to Wash. I feel for you and you are right to do what must be done at this point. If I didnt already have 7 cats I would take them. I remember a month ago that you mentioned this concern and I asked Tine and the girls if we could take in 2 more....Mel has two already in her apt. We have 7, all of which were strays that we fixed and care for, and so they looked at me in wonder.

The other day the kids went to Cannon Beach, and then a mile or so south to Acadia Beach (My Favorite) and they were boogie boarding and Skim boarding. Piset is getting real good at it and Brian tried it (once) and hit the board and it stopped dead and his feet went flying striaght up and he landed on his head....lolo.....he was not hurt and everyone and a good belly laugh because he is as big as me and everyone was laughing and wondering how I would do on it..lololo I used to do it as a tenn and Told Piset how to do and just how much water was needed and so forth, but there is NO WAY this old fart is gonna do that! Now I do body surf with them and when the waves knock down my shorts and the FULL MOON rises over the beach everyone gets a good laugh too....gives new meaning to BIG O lololololololllll

btw
You Rock!

[primsong.livejournal.com]

What a family memory - snicker... !

And I had no idea you had considered taking them in - (((((Ada))))) - Just the thought of it means a lot.

[eldritchhobbit.livejournal.com]

::huge hugs::

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish!

[primsong.livejournal.com]

I love lightbulb jokes! Hee!

I always liked the "How many evolutionists does it take to change a lightbulb?"....

"None. They figure if they wait long enough, the lightbulb will change itself."

:-D

I'm hoping these aren't to baudy for your...but they gave me a laugh...

[bellatook.livejournal.com]

>Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their
>first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean Play.
>
>The first little boy was to say: "My fair maiden. I have come to snatch

>a kiss and fill your soul with hope".
>
>The second little boy was to reply by saying: "Hark! A pistol shot"
>
>Well on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys
>were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled
>with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage

>and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.
>The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were
>terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them
>to begin.
>
>The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words: "My fair maiden.
>I have come to kiss your snatch... and fill your hole with soap."
>
>The second boy screams out: "Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot

>of shit, horse shit, cow shit, bull shit. I never wanted to be in this
>lousy play anyway...
>
>The audience left howling.

And...

THE TEACHER Smart-ass Answer OF THE YEAR: A college teacher reminds
her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A
smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter
sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their
laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
knowingly at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I
guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Re: I'm hoping these aren't to baudy for your...but they gave me a laugh...

[primsong.livejournal.com]

Ah, out of the mouths of babes... or of the teacher in the second case. A bit bawdy, yes, but they did make me smile. :-D Thank you!

[lothithil.livejournal.com]

On the dusty plains, a dry heat reins
But the mountains peaks twinkle afar
Like sunlight in the eyes of laughter
Somewhere in between comes down a gentle rain
May it fall upon you lightly and bring you ease

(((((Prim)))))

[primsong.livejournal.com]

Living in the valley between the mountain ranges where the rain lightly falls, this made me think of the beauty of my home, and also the beauty of your talented muse. Thank you, dear (((((Loth))))

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Here's the joke:

http://waxy.org/random/images/weblog/mortor.gif

Give this time to load -- I'm sure you've seen it before. ;-)

And here's the encouraging passage, from 2 Corinthians 4, for one who needs special grace for a hard moment -- and for those moments after it is all done, when you fall into doubt; don't despair -- saying the hard thing is often the best thing, and both of you will benefit in the end:

1Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God... 6For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body... With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16Therefore we do not lose heart...

And speaking of light shining out of darkness, that's what I've named this icon. ;-)

[iorhael94.livejournal.com]

Many hugs to you Prim! You've been a good friend and more, but you are also doing a very healthy thing both for yourself and for her too by setting these difficult boundaries (there's a wonderful book called "Boundaries" in case you've never read it...I can tell you more about it when I see you in a few weeks.) What you are doing takes *a lot* of courage and I applaud you for it...you've gone way above and beyond the call of friendship in my mind by helping her as much as you have. I had to do a similar thing a few years ago with someone and it was definitely difficult and I definitely felt the guilt both internally and externally...the relationship with this person was completely dragging me down but fortunately around that time is when I started meeting some of my wonderful LOTR friends :):)

I tend to think (and this is just a guess) that this friend might be needy no matter what the circumstances...neediness and overdependency is a state of mind...it may be aggravated by circumstances which then tend to make the caretaker feel more guilty but they would be needy no matter what...on the reverse side, there are some out there who are amazingly independent no matter what life throws their way.

Now for the lighter side...you may have seen this on my lj last week but it definitely brings me a few minutes of humor each time I watch it :):):)

{{{{Hugs}}}}

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/hobbits

[primsong.livejournal.com]

I'm all for proper boundaries, which is part of why she is in our lives - we took her in when my kids were tiny to break her out of her rabidly codependent and unhealthy family. She "nannied" them in exchange for bed and board while she and I worked on her social skills and got her to the point she could use the bus system and hold down a job. She saved up and managed to acquire her life dream - a place of her own, with her own furnishings, etc. She was doing well until this thing hit her. The loss of job, etc. pushed her back towards old codependent habits and it's been a long series of her "neediness"/guilt/whatever surfacing and having to be slapped back down. I guess after three years it finally wormed its way into my thinking enough I began to fall for the "guilt" one and I needed this wake-up call to get it back on even keel. ((((Iorhael)))))

The kitties are now at their new home, a large apartment with four other cats. The lady there had just adopted one out that morning and advertises for homes for them all the time - I think they'll be fine. My friend will be in mourning for them for a while, but I think it was a good thing.

[iorhael94.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, it sounds like the time was long overdue to break the ties there...

[primsong.livejournal.com]

Right now I wish I could paint this verse in calligraphy, in copper and gold upon my walls. It is that perfect to the moment - thank you for your marvelous sharing of "exactly what is needed" - like apples of gold set in silver. ((((Lin)))))

[aragornlover.livejournal.com]

Here we go...A little verse to prove that God has a sense of humor. When I read this for the first time ever in the Contemporary English Version, I burst out laughing...

"If you have good sense, it will show when you speak. But if you are stupid, you will be beaten with a stick." - Proverbs 10:13 (CEV)

Needless to say...I think of that verse a lot...when driving in my car, when I'm at home with my sister, when people at work drive me nuts...basically any situation in which I come across a stupid person. Yep. Sure does make me feel better 'cause not only do I NOT act out of anger or frustration, but it brings a smile to my face and I giggle inside. :o) And I can then just accept that there are stupid people in this world...and we must run into them from time to time...but at least we can find a little hope in the fact that maybe...just maybe...they might get some sense knocked into them eventually. ;o)

(Good luck in your endeavors.) *hugs*

[primsong.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's *good*! LOL! That rates right up there with that line where they grumble that they want meat and He tells them they'll have meat til it comes out their nose. Hee!

My mom always said "Never assume malice where it can be adequately explained by stupidity" I want that on a bumper-sticker.

[estellye.livejournal.com]

I am just dreadful at remembering a joke on demand! Arrrgghh!

OK, here is a story! My father came down to visit from Upstate NY to Raleigh. He is about 90% convinced to move to this area. Since he is 78 years old, my sister thought he might like to see the new community being built near her neighborhood that is specifically designed for active adults. Since I work for a builder now, I was curious to know which builder's homes they saw. My sister said, "Oh, it was Kevorkian or something." I looked at her stunned, and then I said, "Um, do you mean, K. Hovnanian?" She realized what she had said and she turned bright red. We all got to the point of tears and gasping shortly thereafter and my brother-in-law had to add, "Short term mortgages only!"

[primsong.livejournal.com]

That last topper from your bro-in-law - Haha!! Very short! :-D

Thank you for the grins, ((((estellye))))

Hello

[faramirgirl.livejournal.com]

Well it seens that I am late. Sorry I am just a bit slow answering my flist.

How about a song?

The sun is hot and that old clock is movin' slow,
An' so am I.
Work day passes like molasses in wintertime,
But it's July.
I'm gettin' paid by the hour, an' older by the minute.
My boss just pushed me over the limit.
I'd like to call him somethin',
I think I'll just call it a day.

Pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Hurricane" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.
It's five o'clock somewhere.

Oh, this lunch break is gonna take all afternoon,
An' half the night.
Tomorrow mornin', I know there'll be hell to pay,
Hey, but that's all right.
I ain't had a day off now in over a year.
Our Jamaican vacation's gonna start right here.
Hit the 'phones for me,
You can tell 'em I just sailed away.

An' pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Hurricane" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.
It's five o'clock somewhere.

I could pay off my tab, pour myself in a cab,
An' be back to work before two.
At a moment like this, I can't help but wonder,
What would Jimmy Buffet do?

Funny you should ask that because I'd say:
Pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Hurricane" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.

Pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Hurricane" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.
He don't care.
I don't care.
It's five o'clock somewhere.

What time zone am on? What country am I in?
It doesn't matter, it's five o'clock somewhere.
It's always on five in Margaritaville, come to think of it.
Yeah, I heard that.
You been there haven't you.
Yessir.
I seen your boat there.
I've been to Margaritaville a few times.
All right, that's good.
Stumbled all the way back.
OK. Just wanna make sure you can keep it between the navigational beacons.
Between the bouys, I gotcha.
All right. Well, it's five o'clock. Let's go somewhere.
I'm ready, crank it up.
Let's get out of here.
I'm gone.
Let's get out of here.


So are you ready to go?

[samarra.livejournal.com]

*sends you butterflies and rainbows to brighten your day*

(((((((((((((((Prim)))))))))))))))))))))

[gondoriangirl.livejournal.com]

((((((((((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[meneleth.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you have really put yourself out for her and perhaps being "on her own" might help her take a look and get the help she needs to start facing life and move on. If nothing else, so she can get her cats back!

Meanwhile...

This was a "thought for the day" that gave me a chuckle: I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time", so I ordered french toast during the Renaissance.


And speaking of lightbulb jokes, how many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one - they hold it and let the world revolve around them.